Blog ah blog .. I’m here again .. no one to really speak to. Feel that it’s so SO bloody saddening .. living. We are so imperfect and seeing more of the world (us) it makes me sick .. Meaningless beyond meaningless, nothing to describe ..
If all this is about trusting and having faith I guess I’ve failed .. because I feel like withdrawing from them .. I’ve given all in exchange of more sorrows and hurt and doubts .. thinking what have I done to deserve all this in return? After working so hard of ‘being a light’ all I got is more burden and worries. Can’t deny I have my fair share of joy .. I feel even those not ‘being a light’ receive as well ..
I guess I’ve cared too much about others to neglect myself .. I’m tempted to be selfish and I think I wanna care for myself more. When I’m in lack who knows? But when they are in lack I know .. and often convicted to bless them .. great .. so much of being a blessing ..
Yeah .. whatever .. “just another season?” it always have such seasons .. I really don’t know what to do .. I’m just sick of everything .. so sick I hope there’s a pause button ……..
