Sick! I dislike it so much when I’m doubted and untrusted, it really frustrates me! Feel like venting this frustration (speaking in tongues..). Grr!

Why do you asked me can I try when I’ve already told you the outcome! You never trusted me. Do you think I’m any lesser than you in wanting to see a posiive outcome? No! I believe they are closer to my heart than yours! So why don’t you believe in what I’m doing?

Sick.

I love it so much what Pastor Kong said during ministry session last Saturday, about wrestling with God and about God placing a burden in our hearts; a compassion to love. It really touched my heart that I teared and it’s like wha, releasing all out. God is good and we do need it. This is how we are encouraged and comforted.

The burden of a compassion to love has never been so strong if I’ve never stepped into Boys’ Brigade 43rd. God has taught me throughout this journey and at times it’s so tough that I felt so tempted to let go but it is this strong compassion that God has placed in me that keeps me holding on. I did wondered why, why me? Would anyone cares and knows what’s happening and support me? No. But I know this is my journey and God knows and cares.

If you’d ask me if I’ve regretted it? No. There can be a great level of hard pressing moments but there are also times of great rejoicing that I’ve never experienced it anywhere else. No wonder people say mission trip is filled with signs and wonders and more than often awesome! It is really down to the ground when you know you are at your peak that you’ll experience God’s grace. Moreover they will appreciate the little things you do and it really encourage you to do more.

I’ve this church member of which God through him has taught me alot. The most precious one I think is loving unconditionally. For me I’ve this mindset of loving and receiving back if we are that close enough, it has to be two ways but I realized at times I just have to give without weighing whether he has and would give me in return in order to make me feel secure of the friendship. Tempted many times to ignore and let go but the love of God didn’t let me go, therefore I keep on running on.

Guess it is like that, how He first give us that we can in turn give others. 1Cor 13:4-7 is my verses, so personnal and close to my heart. In this moment, not gonna give a second thought but keep on doing what is right for time wait for no one.

What we focus is wat we get and it is so important we decide what we focus on. Time and time again this has been sowing a deeper revelation in me. The more the experiences of striving through gave me greater “focus” strength and the easier I know what is good for me to decide on.

Hurt is something inevitable and so is blessing. I feel that often something unhappy strike us, we’ll direct our focus to the hurt and forgetting about the blessings we have had. It can be at a slit seconds when you feel so blessed and the next you are down with the griefs of hurt.

I realized usually is those people that we have given access into our hearts that hurt us the most; those that are close to us. Sometimes you love them so much that you bear with them and thinking about it, I mightbe the one that have caused hurt as well. What to do? We are after all humans but needed to learn to give and take and at times I really cannot take it that I lost my patience. I feel we just have to do out best to make things right and pray for God’s grace to abound in us.

I was just talking to someone and was quite hurt by what he said. I was being doubted for showing off when what I’m trying to do was sharing my experiences. I’m like, “ggrrr!” I quickly stopped the conversation to prevent more hurts from each other. What to do? Choose to focus on what is good then .. So I encouraged myself that my intention was really to do my best to make things right. Bless it, thank God, amen! Ggrr! Hahaa.

So .. Must learn to choose wisely what to focus on.

Currently at a wedding dinner and feeling emotional; pondering on the things that have happened and wondering what’s relationship?

You know every time on a wedding dinner, there’ll always be a video to tell guests the lives of the couples. Those are the memories and the past only both of them shared and went through together. To me I don’t even know the couples and I’m like .. “oh ok ..” I’ve no relationship with them.

What keeps a relationship and make the bond strong? Isn’t it the experiences we went through together, be it as a family or friends, leaving in us the memories. We don’t always have each other by our side but memories are always with us.

Psalm 77:11-12
I will remember the works of the LORD; surely I will remember Your wonders of old. I will also meditate on all Your work, and talk of Your deeds.

What’s written on these verses are things that have been passed, the works and deeds of old. Remembering all these allow us to know how blessed we are and help us when we don’t feel the presence of those we missed.

I believe faith and trust are essential in any relationship and by these through the memories we have encourages us in times of doubts and disputes. We are imperfect and I always remember to give and take and of course at times I feel so difficult to give but remembering what Jesus done to me, I managed to do it to others as well.

Security is also very important which I feel that God is teaching me. On dictionary.com security is freedom from care, anxiety and doubt. I think at times I feel too much for someone that I felt disappointed after realizing he/she don’t even feel and care about it himself/herself. I’m too insecure. I think security is letting go and giving them freedom and not having them onto ourselves. It is also giving them room to make mistakes and not weaver and doubt them. This is love.

I often thought that close relationship is one that have each other in mind, having physical touches through their presence, sight, words and actions and feeling important. I thought if only I can experience all these then I’ll feel secure but time and time again I’m reminded that no one is perfect. Gonna learn to be secure, having faith and trust.